Prompt 14: Hideous or Handsome?
Nov. 29th, 2009 08:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gotlostinadream"I am, as I am; whether hideous, or handsome, depends upon who is made judge." -- Herman Melville
An interesting quote, all things considered. So few see me as I am; the Mask hides my true mein from most folk. Which is a good thing, I suppose, as I would be labeled a monster or a freak at the very least. They see the mortal mask, the woman I was, not the... creature I have become. It is a blessing I suppose, but when I look in the mirror, I can only see my true form. While I am not hideous, I am most definatly not human, and that loss pains me every time I catch a glimpse of my reflection.
I was once... I would not say beautiful. I was handsome, and I worked hard at looking so. Even now, I find that old otokoyaku training hard to shake. I keep my hair cut short, I rarely wear dresses or skirts, I aim for a far more 'masculine' appearance than is customary. Grandfather would scoff and make some sort of cutting remark about how any grandchild of his should know her place better, but he never did understand anything about my life. I wonder what he'd think if he could see my true mein.
I... or at least my Mask did not age while I was Her pet. But the time I was gone was not long enough to have really made that much of a difference. Still, I look at my feitch, and I see the subtle marks of age and maturity. And thin-ness. As bitter as such things make me, there's also a part of me that worries that Hankyu is working her... it, too hard, that it isn't eating enough. Which is stupid. It stole my dream out from under me, why should I have concern for it?
I do not know what I meant to say when I started writing this. Still writing out my thoughts makes it easier to think through them.
An interesting quote, all things considered. So few see me as I am; the Mask hides my true mein from most folk. Which is a good thing, I suppose, as I would be labeled a monster or a freak at the very least. They see the mortal mask, the woman I was, not the... creature I have become. It is a blessing I suppose, but when I look in the mirror, I can only see my true form. While I am not hideous, I am most definatly not human, and that loss pains me every time I catch a glimpse of my reflection.
I was once... I would not say beautiful. I was handsome, and I worked hard at looking so. Even now, I find that old otokoyaku training hard to shake. I keep my hair cut short, I rarely wear dresses or skirts, I aim for a far more 'masculine' appearance than is customary. Grandfather would scoff and make some sort of cutting remark about how any grandchild of his should know her place better, but he never did understand anything about my life. I wonder what he'd think if he could see my true mein.
I... or at least my Mask did not age while I was Her pet. But the time I was gone was not long enough to have really made that much of a difference. Still, I look at my feitch, and I see the subtle marks of age and maturity. And thin-ness. As bitter as such things make me, there's also a part of me that worries that Hankyu is working her... it, too hard, that it isn't eating enough. Which is stupid. It stole my dream out from under me, why should I have concern for it?
I do not know what I meant to say when I started writing this. Still writing out my thoughts makes it easier to think through them.